Cling-Clang-Cling-Clang-Cling-Clang-Cling!
“Time Gentlemen puh-leeze...” the Flower & Tackle pub Landlady cries as the bell she does ring...
Men wearing football t-shirts groan... get up with sagging shoulders carrying large bags... shuffle into unisex toilet cubicles...
The Landlady raises her pint and cries out again, “Here's to the Equalities Bill!”
With the rest of the pub, Laz and friends cheer rapturous agreement... down drinks... beam happiness from drunken smiling eyes... Laz gracefully rises... smooths out his short-cut red-dress... asks, “Another round?”
“Of course!” is the all round answer... so he swishes to the bar with tottering steps, navigating packed human traffic... women noticeably check out his legs and derrière...
He tries to force his way to the front of the bar... it was heaving with pretty faces ready to celebrate the Equalities Bill coming into affect...
As he finally places his orders with a barman wearing a silver sequinned figure hugging dress, the clock strikes twelve... uproarious laughter surrounds him... Laz turns to see it's cause... men previously wearing football t-shirts have emerged from toilets wearing pink tops, dresses and skirts... attempt to walk wearing stilettos... many women wolf-whistle... some rush over and slip hands up the men's skirts... others make sarcastic, revenge-fueled remarks...
Laz pays the cute barman... heads back to his friends...
“Just think,” he says to Jolene and Anita, “when I started wearing skirts back in my early twenties, I was shit-scared of being hounded by guys like them...”
“You always were ahead of your time Laz,” replies Jolene.
“Well... I'd never have guessed that only a couple of decades after that, the New Iron Lady would make it law for everyone to dress en femme all the time...”
Anita raises her glass and makes a toast:
“Here's to Chariot Fairperson, our illustrious, fearless PM, without whom none of this would be possible!”
“Here here!”
“I certainly can't wait to see Parliament re-open next week, with all the male MPs wearing their new skirt-suits,” says Jolene.
One previously proud masculine football supporting man, now in heels, stumbles... falls flat on his face in front of Laz and friends... tries to get up... but collapses again... his ra-ra skirt flips up, revealing his red polka dot panties...
“Fucking idiot!” Laz shouts. “Can't you even walk in a pair of two inch heels?” - Laz spits on him... “I'm going out for a fag...” picks up his handbag and walks directly across the guy's back in his 4 inch heels, just to show how easy he finds it... the guy starts to cry...
“Life without domineering male egos will be so enjoyable,” remarks Anita smirking at the guy, “the time of the feminine is afoot!”